Dream X

I was involved in the making of Team America. I was one of the technicians who was working on a scene where an "Earthshake" destroys Mulder's expensive tuxedo, and turns it into the rumpled suit he usually wears. Everyone knew it wasn't much of a joke, but I was glad to be working on the film.

For the main villain, the film-makers wanted to get some famous hockey player, but he was unavailable, so they got the Fonze instead.

Filming the ending scene, Trey Parker wasn't there so I took his place. Matt Stone and I fought Jason Voorhees as well as the Fonze, and our only weapon was a baby in a plastic stroller. We wanted to bounce the baby off Jason, but we missed; fortunately, Jason swung anyway, also missed, flung himself across the room, bounced back and crashed through a window.

We swung the baby at Fonzie and he turned into a baby, then crashed through the window as well. Matt and I felt bad about that, but reasoned that he shouldn't be hurt, as we were only 275 feet up.

The holes in the window created a tremendous vacuum, which began drawing out all the paper and loose objects. We put a board across the hole and that stopped it. There was some humorous quip about it all, and the film was finished.

Later, I was walking along the beach toward the boat that would be taking us to the premier party. I met the hockey player who was to be the villain, and he was disappointed to know he hadn't gotten the role (the messages never got to him). He named several other hockey players, and asked if they had played the part; I had to profess ignorance at each name, and finally told him that we had gotten the Fonze.

We got to the boat together. It was actually several cafeteria chairs strung together in rows, and lashed to some outrigger-type things that kept it afloat, but only to the point where the seat part of the chairs were an inch below the surface. Another, smaller boat acted as tug, and we took our seats. Our legs dangled underwater. The hockey player made a point of not sitting next to me, which made me feel bad. Then the boat started toward the island where the wrap party was being held.

I noted the tape (like Police Tape) criss-crossing around our structure, and quipped, "Look, it's the International Date Line!" Everyone thought this was amusing, and someone told the story that whenever Bill Cosby wanted to fire someone, he told them they had crossed the International Date Line.

On the way, the person in charge of our boat told us of many things the resort had to offer, and noted that there were lots of sharks in the water. We all laughed nervously at that. He went on to say that "shark riding" was very popular, and showed a brief film. We then saw someone riding a shark not far from the boat. I felt something cold brush the bottom of my feet, and raised my legs as much as I could. We docked at the island without incident.

Several wrap parties were being held on the island, under some old tents. I nearly went to the wrong party at least once, until finally I saw the Team America one. The Fonze was the greeter, giving his trademark "Ayyy..." to let people know where the party was.

The food was mostly fried things, like burritos and chicken, along with pork barbecue and things like that. Scully was there, congratulating everyone on the film. Ian Anderson, of Jethro Tull, asked her where Mulder was. She said he should already be here.

Just then he showed up, in a rumpled leather jacket. Smiling, Ian Anderson asked him where he (Ian Anderson) could get a cup of coffee, and Mulder told him he wasn't interested in answering.

Scully, smiling very widely in alarm, wanted to know why Mulder was being so rude. Ian Anderson answered that this was a routine that he and Mulder did regularly whenever they met; Mulder would ask Anderson for coffee, and Anderson would make some rude remark. This time, they decided to switch just for the party, but Mulder had to type each letter of his response into a small keypad, and it just depressed him, so he decided not to do it.